The Brain on Attraction
As already mentioned, everybody feels attraction. It is a natural human instinct. Inside your brain and my brain and everyone’s brain, there are circuits specifically designed to react to people who are attractive to us.
Once again, attraction doesn’t always have to be about sex or romance. People feel attraction to friends, family, and even things. While you read this website, you can think of “attraction” as being the same thing as “wanting.”
Attraction is very important to popularity because as soon as you feel an attraction to something or someone, an amazing thing happens. Without even knowing it, your behaviour starts to change. Sometimes these changes are obvious and you know what you’re doing. Sometimes, these changes happen without you even knowing it.
Input of Energy
Imagine you are walking through your school hallway. You’re busy laughing and joking with your friends when all of a sudden you see a new—and beautiful—student coming towards you. You’ve never seen this student before but you’re impressed by his/her confident stride. Like Romeo when he first sees Juliet, you are immediately in love. But how, you wonder, will you ever be able to get to know them?
Before you even realize it, the unconscious part of your brain has already taken over. Thanks to evolution, it comes pre-programmed with different ways to help you get the things you want. Immediately, you will start to act a little different in order to meet this new person. I call these instincts, “Input of Energy.”
In its simplest and most obvious form, Input of Energy just makes you want to get close to someone. In its least obvious forms, it changes how intelligent, funny, and cool you think someone is. Despite the many forms it takes, Input of Energy always has one purpose: to help you meet and bond with people you find attractive romantically or otherwise. Here are some of the forms that Input of Energy takes.
Input of Energy Is: Trying to Get Close
It’s easy to understand why words like “alluring” and “physically attractive” have became synonyms of the word “beautiful.” Think about the beautiful people that you meet. You probably feel a strong desire to introduce yourself and talk with them. Trying to get close to people who are attractive is one of the most obvious forms that Input of Energy takes.
To create a relationship with someone, you must find opportunities to get to know them. One day on the school bus, my younger brother noticed a beautiful girl sitting several rows ahead of him. She was surrounded by empty seats. At the next bus stop, three boys who didn’t know her got on. The first boy chose to sit in front of the girl, the second boy chose to sit beside her, and the third chose to sit behind. Their choice of seats was not an accident. Because the girl was beautiful, they were trying to get close to her so that they could meet. They were attracted and so they input energy.
Sometimes people cannot do what they want to do instinctively. Imagine that you see your dream girl or boy sitting in the lunch room. Even if you want to sit beside them, maybe you cannot. Maybe they are in a different clique or maybe all of the seats next to them are taken. You can’t sit beside them even if you want.
Sometimes, trying to get close to someone you are attracted to needs to be less obvious. Have you ever noticed that when teachers number students from 1 to 5 and then ask them to form groups, it never works out perfectly? People are always trading numbers so that they can be with their friends or crushes.
At times, what people think are sneaky ways of getting close are actually very obvious and funny. In grade 10 cooking class, my teacher brought her teenaged (and beautiful) daughter to school as part of “Bring Your Kid to Work Day.” The classroom had six small kitchens and, for whatever reason, the teacher directed her daughter to work in the same kitchen as me. For the rest of the class period, my kitchen and the two kitchens beside it became the most popular in the classroom. Boys from every other group were finding any reason to visit my kitchen. When I asked why they were suddenly so interested in being around my kitchen, they gave funny excuses. Of course, none of them said, “I am attracted to the teacher’s daughter therefore I’m making a not-so-subtle attempt at physical proximity in hopes of improving my chances of meeting her.” They were just trying to get close. That’s Input of Energy.
Input of Energy Is: Changes in Body Language
One day I was watching two strangers at university, a boy and girl. They had just started talking. I couldn’t hear what they were saying but I knew she didn’t find him attractive. It was obvious from her body language. Just as I had thought, their conversation was very short. She went back to her work and he went back to his music. He tried a few more times to talk with her but the conversations ended quickly. She didn’t want to talk with him and I knew it just by the way she was acting–her posture was closed, cold and unwelcoming.
Changes in body language can be very obvious. Imagine a boy who wants to borrow a textbook from a girl sitting at a desk in front of him. Standing behind her, he taps her on the shoulder and asks if she has the book. Recognizing his voice, she flips her hair over her shoulder to expose one side of her neck, rotates her torso towards him, looks up, cocks her head to the side, smiles, and says, “Of course, it’s under my desk.” In this situation, what would you think if you were the boy?
Now, imagine that instead of flipping her hair, turning toward him and looking up, the girl continues to do her work. Speaking into her desk she says, “Of course, it’s under my desk.” If you were the boy, what would you think now? In these two scenarios, what the girl says is exactly the same but the message she sends him is very different. In the first scenario it is obvious by her body language that she is excited to talk to him. In the second scenario, she is still happy to lend him the book but she is not as excited. She communicates this just by how she acts and if she flips her hair and smiles, that’s Input of Energy.
Here are some ways that body language changes thanks to attraction. If a girl is attracted to a boy, she will probably, give short glances at him, smile, give eye contact, and accept his eye contact. She might even give him little touches to his arm or shoulder.
Boys are similar but just a little different. If a boy is attracted to a girl, he probably will give short glances as well. He will also accept of eye contact or simply lean forward and tilt his head. Sometimes, when around girls who are attractive, boys will do things like play punch each other or try to take up as much space as possible. Have you every noticed a boy doing things like spreading his arms across adjacent chairs when an attractive girl is around? That’s a change to body language because of her. That’s Input of Energy.
The body language of rejection is often the opposite of the body language of attraction. Both men and women generally take closed body postures when talking with people they find unattractive: crossing the arms, putting hands in pockets, keeping the legs tightly closed, and turning the torso away. Also important are yawning, frowning, avoiding the other’s gaze, staring upward, sneering, grooming fingernails, picking at one’s teeth, avoiding eye contact, and staring coldly.
You are probably already very good at reading the body language of other people. You have been learning to do it ever since you were born. Without even knowing it, you are reading other peoples body language all the time. In fact, I bet you didn’t even need to read this paragraph, you just somehow know what is good or bad body language.
Input of Energy Is: Changes to What You Say and How You Say it
Thinking that someone is attractive changes what you say to them and how you say it. A common way for girls to communicate rejection is by talking about other boys to a boy they don’t find attractive. If a girl is interested in a man, she focuses her attention on him and wont talk about other boys.
Boys are a little different. When boys are talking to girls they find attractive, they try hard to really listen and understand her. If they are not attracted, they don’t pay much attention.
What you say changes in other ways to. People like to share secrets with people they find attractive. Sharing secrets is a good way to bond with someone else. If you are talking to someone and they start telling you all sorts of secrets, you can take it as a sign that they find you attractive. Sharing (sometimes too many) secrets very quickly, that’s Input of Energy.
Think back to the boy asking the girl for a textbook and her response, “Of course, it’s under my desk.” One of the differences you probably imagined was how she said her answer. The more attractive you find someone, the more your voice will be interested and enthusiastic. Try it, listen to how you say “Hi” to your crush and how you say “Hi” to someone you aren’t attracted to at all. Tone of voice changes: that’s Input of Energy.
Input of Energy Is: Unfair Thinking
The public likes to listen to people that are attractive. This is why advertisers always hire attractive people and put them on television commercials. For some reason, it is a natural human error to think that attractive people are smarter, nicer, and more honest than unattractive people. This isn’t true. Attractive people aren’t any “better” than unattractive people but it doesn’t matter. Everyone (including you) makes the same mistake and thinks that attractive people are, in fact, better. Unfair thinking, that’s Input of Energy.
In everyday situations, what this means is that when an attractive student does something, people are more likely to think that it is “cool.” If an unattractive student does the very same thing, the other students probably won’t think that it’s cool. It’s unfair but it happens.
Input of Energy Is: Obsessive Thinking
Think about somebody you have a crush on. If you know a creepy amount of information about them, don’t feel to bad. It is normal. It happens to everyone.
The human brain is designed to notice attractive people. They grab our attention and hold onto it. Boys who are driving will always notice pretty girls who are walking on the sidewalk—we can’t help it. It’s a reflex. Attractive people have a tendency to invade our minds and hijack our thoughts. Even if we don’t want it to happen, it is easy to become obsessed with attractive people.
If you want to find out who one of your friends has a crush on, you can ask them questions like, “who’s in your class?” Along with their friends, they are also likely to mention their crush because it is someone they are always noticing and thinking about. Obsessive thinking, that’s Input of Energy.
Input of Energy Is: Helping Someone
Plain and simple, students like doing favors for peers they find attractive. This can mean, giving rides to school, giving a pencil, sharing lunch, etc. Think about your crush and how you would respond if they ever asked you for help. I bet, without doubt, you would love to do them a favor—that’s Input of Energy.
Input of Energy Is: NOT Only the Result of Beauty!!!
I want to mention again that “attractive” is not the same thing as “beautiful.” Someone who is not pretty can still be attractive. Think abut really ugly but talented hockey players. They are still attractive to a lot of girls. Input of Energy is always the result when anyone is attractive for any reason and NOT JUST BEAUTY!! I can’t stress this enough.
Input of Energy Is: Not Only the Things I Listed
Input of Energy can take many forms. Really, anything you do to try and get to know people you find attractive could be considered Input of Energy. The list of things that I discussed are only some of the forms it takes. Maybe you can think about other things that people do which could be classified as Input of Energy.
Input of Energy Happens Without You Thinking
Sometimes you know what you are doing. You know that you are trying to sit beside your crush. Or, you know that you are thinking obsessively about someone. Or, you know that you really want to help someone. You could, if you wanted, stop yourself because you are inputting energy on purpose and you know it.
Sometimes, even if you don’t know it, you are still unconsciously inputting energy. You probably don’t realize just how much your tone of voice changes when you are talking to someone you find really attractive. Or, you might be surprised at how much your body language is different depending on who you are talking to.
- Input of Energy is an amazing thing because it happens with or without you consciously knowing it. This is true for everyone. Even I Input Energy without thinking about it.
- I once overheard a girl saying to her friend, “Do you remember when we used to ride our bikes back and forth in front of his house hoping that he would notice us?”—that’s Input of Energy.
- I saw a girl offer the boy she liked a ride home after a chemistry class—that’s Input of Energy.
- A Queen Bee asked me to steal my friend’s lunch for her in grade ten and I did it—that’s Input of Energy.
- When my friend posted a Facebook request to get help moving to a new house, four girls responded almost immediately—that’s Input of Energy.
Look for it. It’s happening all around you.