- “Why does popularity happen to everyone around the world?”
- “Why do popular students get away with being arrogant jerks?”
- “Why are Hollywood Protagonists so rare?”
- “Why not stop the popular students from being so exclusive?”
- “Why are the popular students always in the right place at the right time?”
- “Why can’t Wannabes ever be cool?”
- “Why do girls say they’re looking for someone who respects them and then date the guys that don’t?”
- “Why do people ditch old friends to join a clique they don’t even like?”
- “Why can everything I do/say be used against me?”
- “Where do feelings of righteousness come from when one person is obviously being a bitch?
- “What’s the motivation to gossip?”
- “How do you know if someone “likes” you?”
- “Why do adults and teachers say that the secret to popularity is being nice to everyone when obviously it’s about being good looking?”
- “Why do girls sometimes act dumb when they are around boys?”
- “Why does sex always complicate things?”
- “How can I experience popularity in five minutes or less?”
Question 1: “Why does popularity happen to everyone around the world?”
Popularity happens every year all around the world to all students. Why is this? Popularity isn’t the result of a new invention like the internet or cellphones. Popularity happens as a result of human nature, facts of life, and the situation found in school.
Romance, sex, love… these are human instincts. You, your parents, and every other human being feels Attraction. AND, every human being responds to Attraction by Inputting of Energy. I have traveled to many countries and I can say, without doubt, that people are people all around the world and are the same in their instincts. The four facts that I talk about in Rule 3 really are facts of life. They cannot be changed and this means that the Hierarchy of Attraction will always exist. As soon as you enter a room with a group of people, the Hierarchy exists. As soon as you step into a new school, the Hierarchy exists. As soon as you go to university and walk the halls, the Hierarchy exists. Always, in every situation, the Hierarchy exists.
Finally, all schools around the world face the same problem: getting a large group of young people educated in a way that is the same every time. The end result is always the same: the situation that makes grade school unique repeats itself.
In short human nature + facts of life + the situation at school = popularity year after year.
These three things never change and so neither does popularity.
Question 2: “Why do popular students get away with being arrogant jerks?”
For the record, not all popular students are arrogant jerks. There are Hollywood Protagonists in real life. Unfortunately, there are also popular students who really are jerks and the question is, how do they do it?
The answer can be found in Rule 5. Remember that Liking and Attraction aren’t the same thing. The two feelings can be broken apart so that you can be attracted to someone but not like them. Being popular depends on being attractive and Factor #2. Being well liked depends on how you treat other people and Factor #1. If a student is very attractive, they will become popular thanks to Input of Energy. If, after that, they chose to be an arrogant jerk, they remain popular even though nobody likes them. Students can’t always control their Attraction even to people they dislike someone else. Therefore, popular students who are jerks get away with it because even if they are disliked, students can’t help but send Input of Energy their way.
Question 3: “Why are Hollywood Protagonists seemingly so rare?”
Although it may be difficult to believe, being wanted by everyone all the time is not always easy. Consider the following lyrics taken from Eminem’s song, The Way I Am:
But at least have the decency in you to leave me alone When you freaks see me out in the streets when I’m eating or feedin’ my daughter Do not come and speak to me. I’m racing, I’m pacing, I stand and I sit And I’m thankful for every fan that I get But I can’t take a shit in the bathroom Without someone standing by it. No I won’t sign your autograph You can call me an asshole I’m glad cause I am Whatever you say I am
Certainly most celebrities can relate to what Eminem is saying. No matter where they go or what they do, people want to talk to celebrities, be near them, take pictures with them, and so forth. Eventually celebrities can become fed up with the attention and stop caring about what other people think.
Something similar happens with popular students. When everybody wants them, they get tired and stop caring. It takes a lot of patience to have everyone sending Input of Energy your way. Unless they are really nice to everyone (which can be difficult), they are likely to come across as an arrogant jerk.
Question 4: “Why not stop the popular students from being so exclusive?”
If you punch someone in the head, you have done something. If you don’t invite someone to a party, you actually haven’t done anything. In fact, that is exactly the problem. When you enter the cafeteria, if you see someone you like, you need to make an effort to find them and sit with them. If you see someone who is unpopular, you don’t need to do anything: you just pick the easiest seat you can find. By choosing not to sit beside the unpopular student, you have been exclusive without actually doing anything wrong.
Acting exclusive is more about not doing something. Therefore, it is very hard for teachers to stop popular students from not doing something. Doing something aggressive (like punching someone in the back of the head) can be easily punished. Not inviting someone, on the other hand, cannot be easily seen or punished—it’s invisible.
Question 5: “Why are the popular students always in the right place at the right time?”
Very simple: popular students are benefiting from Input of Energy. It only seems like they are in the right place at the right time. In reality, it is everyone else that is are making every effort to be around them.
Question 6: “Why can’t Wannabes ever be cool?”
Wannabes can never be cool because being cool isn’t something that can be measured. Being cool is what happens when people think something is cool. It is just an opinion and opinions change easily.
Remember from Rule 3 that one form Input of Energy takes is the changing of opinions. When it comes to judging “cool” that means popular student will have an easier time. Remember, one form of Input of Energy is unfair thinking. If a popular student does something like wear a new style, their friends will think it’s cool thanks to Input of Energy. When a Wannabe wears a new style, in contrast, they have a harder time convincing people that it’s “cool” because Wannabes don’t benefit from Input of Energy.
Question 7: “Why do girls say they’re looking for someone who respects them and then date the guys that don’t?”
The answer to this is like the answer to question number 2. Because liking and attraction can be pulled apart, girls (and boys) get confused by their feelings. If you ask girls, “what do you want in a boy?” they will probably mention qualities like considerate, friendly, caring, etc. These qualities are what make girls like the boy. However, the qualities that make a girl attracted to a boy are things like handsome, tall, tough, and so on. If a boy is very attractive, a girl will want him. If the same boy turns out to be a jerk the girl will start to dislike him. BUT, disliking is not the same thing as attraction. So long as the attraction remains, the girl keeps wanting even if she dislikes. Hence the dating continues.
The same thing happens to boys who let attractive girls walk all over them. They might not like it but they can’t help but stay in the relationship. No matter how hard they try, they want her so bad that it doesn’t matter if they actually like her or not.
Question 8: “Why do people ditch old friends to join a clique they don’t even like?”
The answer to this question is exactly the same as the answer to question 7. Cliques can be Attractive even if they are disliked. Therefore, even if some students really like their old friends and dislike their new clique, so long as the new clique is Attractive, the student will probably make the wrong choice. Never underestimate the power of wanting. It is amazing what some people will do as soon as the “wanting/attraction” part of their brain turns on.
Question 9: “Why can everything I do/say be used against me?”
When it comes to arguments and fights between people, what is right and wrong really doesn’t matter. What is “logical” or “makes sense” really doesn’t matter either. Really, the only thing that matters is what the majority of people think.
Let’s say that you are arguing with the clique or with a group of people. In this situation, you are outnumbered. Unfortunately for you, groups are attractive. What does this mean? Always the same thing. Members of the group benefit from Input of Energy from each other. What I want to say is that they are motivated to stick together and find a way to push you out. Even if you are right or your argument is better, it doesn’t matter. The group you are fighting with doesn’t care about being fair or logical. It’s members just want to prove you are wrong or make you feel dumb. Therefore, anything you do can be twisted to look stupid. It’s not fair and it’s not right but it happens. The group is benefiting from Input of Energy directed at its own members, you are not.
Question 10: “Where do feelings of righteousness come from when one person is obviously being a bitch?”
One of the most uncomfortable positions to be in is knowing that what you did was wrong. Because it is so uncomfortable, it has become human instinct to find ways of lying to ourselves until we believe that we were actually right all along. This human instinct is known as “cognitive dissonance” and “confabulation.” Basically, when someone is obviously being a “bitch” they are motivated to think that it’s actually you who is wrong and not them at all. They will lie to themselves until they are convinced that they actually did nothing wrong without even realizing what they are doing. The problem for you is that you do the same thing! Everyone does. It makes it difficult to know sometimes who is right and who is wrong because it can be difficult to trust even yourself. It’s a reflex, an instinct, to always think you’re right.
Question 11: “What’s the motivation to gossip?”
There are lots of reasons to gossip: I will give just one. Gossiping is a quick way to climb the Hierarchy of Attraction. Most people are curious to know the latest juicy gossip is so when you have it, people are going to be Attracted to you. You have something they want. For a moment, you’re higher in the Hierarchy and what does that mean? Input of Energy . For a brief moment, you get to experience the joys of Input of Energy being directed your way.
Question 12: “How do you know if someone likes you?”
By now, you should know that the word “like” is not the correct word for this question. The correct word would is actually “attraction.” How do you know if someone is Attracted to you? If you want to know someone is attracted to you, the trick is to look for patterns of behaviour that demonstrate Input of Energy.
The reason you must look for patterns is because one or two instances of Input of Energy are not enough. There are many times when someone can be momentarily attracted to someone else; for example, when you know a juicy piece of gossip. Being romantically attracted, in contrast, represents a whole other level of feeling. In this case, you’re looking for convincing evidence of a stable attraction and not something superficial. You should see evidence of Input of Energy over a long period of time and it should be consistent and predictable. In other words, a pattern.
If ever you are looking for Input of Energy, keep the following rule of thumb in mind: “talk is cheap but behavior rarely lies.” People are often shy and don’t want to let the world know what they are truly thinking or feeling. They’ll say things to purposefully mislead you or your peers. Luckily for you, behavior is significantly more difficult to fake. If you pay attention to what people actually do and not just what they say, you can learn to read the students around you.
Question 13: “Why do adults and teachers say that the secret to popularity is being kind to everyone when obviously it’s about being good looking?”
First of all, Popularity is not about being good looking—it’s about being Attractive to a large percentage of people in the broadest sense of the word. Remember, Attraction is not only about beauty and I cannot emphasize this enough!! Lots of things make someone Attractive. Second, popularity is only a third of the story. Being Popular is not the same as being Liked. Adults tell you to “be nice to everyone” because they are confusing the consequences of liking with those of attraction. Adults often focus on the wrong definition of Popularity but they’re unknowingly focusing on lines 2 and 3 of the Student Map. What they don’t realize is that being nice to everyone makes you well liked but it does not necessarily make you popular.
Question 14: “Why do girls sometimes act dumb when they are around boys?”
Helping behaviour is one of the forms that Input of Energy takes and it’s a favourite among boys looking to impress an attractive girl. Acting dumb helps boys do this by giving them an opportunity to be helpful.
Question 15: “Why does sex always complicate things?”
Sex might feel like a simple thing but on the level of biology it’s actually very complicated. Just try and read the two following quotes:
“Physiological sexual arousal in males involves the regulation of penile hemodynamics that is dependent on signal input from central and peripheral nervous systems, and on a complex interplay between neurotransmitters, vasoactive agents, and endocrine factors. Within the penile sinusoidal tissue is a central artery and veins that exit and drain the erectile bodies. The smooth muscles that line the sinusoidal spaces and the central artery are tonically contracted during the flaccid state.”
“Physiological sexual arousal in women begins with increased clitoral length and diameter, and vasocongestion of the vagina, vulva, clitoris, uterus, and possibly the urethra. Comparable to the penis, the corpora cavernosa of the clitoris consists of a fibroelastic network and bundles of trabecular smooth muscle. Pelvic nerve stimulation results in clitoral smooth muscle relaxation and arterial smooth muscle dilation.” (Meston & Frohlick, 2000)
Phew! Who knew that sex was so complicated?
Having sex involves the release of lots of hormones and lots of different chemical signals in the brain. One hormone that is really important is known as oxytocin. One of the most important roles of oxytocin is the creation of couples who are attached to each other. One of the ways that it does this is by changing what you notice. What that means is that when you are having sex, you are quite literally in a different mind set. You don’t notice the bad things around you nearly as much. It’s almost as if any of the bad qualities of your partner no longer matter. This increased noticing also makes you more likely to remember the good things in the moment.
Oxytocin is just one way that sex complicates things. The other way is that while you are having sex, the part of your brain responsible for judging and critical thinking is “turned off.” The end result is that you are less judgmental of your partner. Things that might have really bothered you before sex suddenly won’t seem as big of a deal after.
In short, sex complicated things because it changes the way you think about your partner without you even knowing it. It also gets you ready to be attached on an emotional level.
Question 16: “How can I experience popularity in five minutes or less?”
If you want to experience popularity, all you need to do is attract Input of Energy and then appreciate it for what it is. The first step is to become Attractive in the broadest sense. The easiest way to do this is by going to a store where the staff is paid on commission such as a big box electronic retailer. In this situation, you are Attractive because the employee needs you to get paid. Being attractive can only mean one thing: Input of Energy!
Once inside, you can start by walking down any aisle. Unless it’s very busy in the store, it shouldn’t take more than five minutes before a sales rep approaches you (i.e., seeking Proximity). After that, you can make a game out of asking for favors like getting a catalog, holding bags, or taking a computer down from the top shelf. So long as it’s within reason, it doesn’t really matter what specific favor(s) you request. The rep will do what you want because Input of Energy compels them to. If you want a direct comparison, you can try telling the sales rep a bad joke that none of your friends at school thought was funny. If the sales rep laughs, you have just experienced what it’s like to be Popular.
You could argue that it’s not Attraction that make the sales rep to help you. I would agree, it’s a stretch. My point, quite simply, is that the experience is similar to being popular. Even if the sales rep doesn’t like you, they will still put up with you because they want to get paid. When a busty Queen Bee stares down a school hallway full of adolescent boys it’s the same situation—they might not like her but they still put up with her because they want to get laid.