Rule 4:

Liking Someone Is Not the Same Feeling as Being Attracted to Them

You can want someone and be attracted to them without liking them.

You can like somebody without being attracted to them or wanting them.

Attraction is about wanting and this makes you show Special Attention. Liking someone does not.

“Liking” is not the same as “wanting.”

“Wanting” is not the same as “liking.”


Beautiful, Popular, & a “Pain in the Ass” | 90210, S1x1, 2008

Being attracted to Naomi is not the same as liking her.

Beautiful, Attractive, Unliked, Pain in the Ass_90210 - S1E01&02_Optimized

Annie is trying to understand why her crush, Ethan, would cheat on the most popular girl in the school and want to break up with her. Her brother, Dixon, points out that just because she is the most popular girl doesn’t mean that she cannot be disliked.


Annie–You cannot tell anybody.
Dixon–You saw that?
Annie–Oh, I saw that. Oh, I saw all of that. I totally don’t get why Ethan would cheat on someone like Naomi.
Dixon–Believe me, if a dude is cheating on a chick, he doesn’t wanna be with her anymore.
Annie–But she’s so beautiful.
Dixon–That doesn’t mean she’s not a pain in the ass.

Link: Script


Someone who is beautiful and popular can still be disliked.

Disliking But Still Wanting | Sixteen Candles, 1984

Wanting someone makes you forget that you dislike them.


In the movie, Sixteen Candles, Ted the Geek discovers that he dislikes Caroline who is the most popular girl. Of course his wanting desire for her overshadows this and motivates him to continue on  findings ways to get close.


Sexual attraction (i.e., wanting), can motivate approach behavior even if the target is disliked.

Attraction When Someone Is Not Being Likable | Carrie, 1976

Being attracted to Billie Nolan is not the same as liking him.
Being attracted to Chris Hargensen is not the same as liking her.


Chris– Don’t be in such a hurry.
Billie– “Don’t be in such a hurry.” – I’m hurrying away from you. – Pain right in the ass.
Chris– You don’t mean that.
Billie– I don’t mean that? You’re crazier than a son of a bitch. Give me everything… Oh, sweet….
Billie– Jesus Christ, what’s wrong with you!
Chris– Can’t you wait a minute?
Billie– Well, what for? We do this all the time.
Chris– You’re so ignorant.
Billie– Yeah, but… that’s what you like about me, right? I know that. Shit. No? No? I know what you like about me. This. Touch it.
Chris– No! Dumb shit!
[Billie slaps Chris hard across the face]
Billie– I told you never to call me that! You are totally f****d up! You really are. I’m convinced.
Chris– Billy… Come here. Billy… Come on. Come on. I want you to do something… Something important. Billy… Billy… Oh, Billy… Billy… Oh, Billy… Oh, Billy… Billy… Oh, Billy… Oh, Billy…

Link: Script


It is possible to DISLIKE how someone treats you but still WANT them and be attracted to them.