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Rule 8: Friendship and Cliques Happen For the Same 3 Reasons

Rule 8:

Cliques and Friendship Happen For the Same Three Reasons: Being Similar; Wanting Each Other; &, Being In the Same Place at the Same Time

Reason 1: Similarity makes friendship easier because it allows you to understand the people you are with and enjoy the same things they do.

Reason 2: Wanting is what motivates people to be friends with each other. Both people need to want to be friends. One person wanting is not enough.

Reason 3: Being in the same place at the same time gives you chances to do things together and get to know each other.


Cliques and Friendship Happen For 3 Reasons

You Will Attract People Who Are A Lot Like You | Young Mom’s Club,

Be yourself and those who are like you will become your friends.

Similarity leads to friendship, Young Mom's Club

“At the same time that the people you use to hang out with start to think you’re kind of weird, you also start to attract people who are a lot like you. And then, you start to attract even more people and before you know it, you fit in with everybody.”


Like attracts like and similar people will be drawn to other similar people.

Join Groups | Youtube, Wikihow, 2019

Joining groups creates the proximity where friendships can occur.

Joining groups help increase popularity

“If you want to be popular, you’ll need to be seen and known around your school. Joining an extracurricular activity can help boost your status and will be something to mention in your future résumé. It has the added benefit of allowing you to make new friends and increasing your popular nature.” –Wikihow, 2019


Joining groups, any groups, because this gets you close to people. Getting close creates the moments where friendship can occur.

Unintentional Proximity Leading to Friendship (American Graffiti, 1973)

Being in the same place causes a friendship.

John asks Carol how old she is.
John and Carol fight over the radio station.
Carol and John hit each other
Carol and John walk together
John and Carol celebrate their revenge
John admits he likes Carol

American Graffiti is a coming of age story set in 1962 USA. The character John Milner unwittingly picks up Carol Morrison and is immediately disappointed by her as a companion.

“Ah shit. How old are you?”-John

“Old enough. How old are you?”-Carol

“To old for you.”-John

Although John is not friendly towards Carol to begin with, eventually he warms up to her as the movie progresses. When the pair take revenge on a group of mischievous girls in a rival car, their relationship solidifies into a friendship. The story arc ends with John admitting his mutual “liking” for Carol.

This clip demonstrates how:

Proximity (Being in the Car) -> Shared Experiences -> Friendship

Alternatively, one could argue that:

Attraction (Carol Wants to Be Alongside John)-> Carol Joining John (Proximity) -> Shared Experiences -> Friendship

Or further still:

Similarity (Wanting to Cruise the Streets at Night) -> Attraction (Carol Wants to Be Alongside John)-> Carol Joining John (Proximity) -> Shared Experiences -> Friendship

In this scenario, proximity can be thought of as the dominant predictor of the friendship because it is proximity that forces John not to exit the relationship before a friendship has developed.

Success Earns Respect and Leads to Liking | Rebel Without a Cause, 1955

Special Attention makes people accept you and want to be your friend.

earn respect which leads to liking and acceptance

Curious to test the new kid, Buzz and his friends challenge and provoke Jim into a knife fight. When he successfully defends himself and then agrees to join Buzz in a “chicken run”, he earns the respect of both Buzz and the group. Buzz admits that he “likes” Jim and Judy (Buzz’s girlfriend) ultimately falls in love with Jim.


Friend 1–The blade game, Buzz?
Jim–I thought only punks fought with knives.
Buzz– Who’s fighting? No fighting. It’s examination time, man. It’s a crazy game. Get him a knife. Give it to him. Come on, give him a knife. – Pick it up!
Jim–I don’t want any trouble.
Buzz–Pick it up! Pick it up! Now, you understand the action? There’s no sticking. Just… …a little jabbing. That’s all. What’s the matter? What’s the matter? What’re you waiting on, toreador? I thought you wanted a little action. – Are you crumb chicken or…
Jim–Don’t call me that!
Buzz–Toro! Cut off a button and you get to join the club. Oh, that’s close!
Jim–All right, you asked for it, you’ve got it. Are you satisfied or do you want some more?
Jim–That’s the edge.
Buzz–That’s the end.
Jim–(lighting his cigarette) Certainly is.
Buzz–You know something? I like you.

Link: Script


Succeeding when you are tested by a groups leads to liking and acceptance.

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